Progress Not Perfection

Currently, I am sat on the hardwood floor of my & B’s new apartment. As I type I am looking around and noticing that there is sawdust surrounding me from the floor’s installation (sorry black jeans). I am in a happy, love-drunk stupor that we found an apartment and someone is letting us live in such a stellar place! Honestly guys, the apartment’s interior is hübsch (i.e. so stinking adorable) and the area is what princess dreams are made of. We scored a flat right on the canal leading into the palace Nymphenburg in the western part of Munich. That's the canal in the photo above, our house is next to the sixth tree on the right, and that's the palace straight ahead!

The trams nearby go to both mine, and B’s, work. Our neighborhood is very clean and extremely respectful. Just cycling through it everyone feels to be “by the book” kind of people. Granted, this is pretty much the German way. But our neighborhood has something different – it is so strikingly beautiful and palatial that everyone appears to have a sense of pride and protectiveness about the streets and canal.

We were made acutely aware of this mentality when we met our first neighbor, Brigita. Brigita is a serious Bavarian woman. She lives upstairs and across the hall from us, but managed to mention multiple times in our 20 minute “conversation” that she had heard us speaking inside of the flat and that she hears all of the racket the neighbors surrounding her have made for the last twenty years. This woman has a nack for talking at you - not with or to you. She is a character, that Brigita. I haven’t decided yet if her complaining and advice to wear earplugs whilst listening to music in my own home terrifies me or entertains me. On a positive note, she also mentioned to us how clean and well taken care of our little neighborhood is.

This fairytale flat is still empty though, we move in all of our boxes and bags and furniture on Saturday. I am more than ready to start building this new home with B. It’s a long time coming. The past few months have been trying, exhausting, rewarding, stressful – so, so stressful – and fun. We have both had the sweetest words, gestures and skype calls from our friends and families wishing us luck in this (what sometimes felt like fruitless) endeavor. I have been feverish to find and decorate and inhabit our own escape inside of a new flat, but this has also been the most homesick time for me.

After 14 months in Germany I really haven’t felt homesick that often. But looking for a new place and having things out of my control happening in California has really sent me over the heimweh edge. I love Munich, but I miss California and my sisters, my pups, and my parents so much. Sometimes it just creeps up on me and I begin thinking of a food or a smell or a memory and my god can it get you. The memory is such a weird thing!

It is a welcome relief to finally have an apartment to call home with B, but nannying is still feeling unfulfilling to me. I’m a ball of stress some moments over what in god’s name I’m going to do for work.  It is important to work extra hard right now to remember that I truly am doing the best that I can. I want to live in Munich, I want to live with B, I want to keep mastering the German language – and I am a lucky enough gal to be doing all of these things. But in the day-to-day task lists and appointments and random frustrations I’m finding myself losing sight of what I want and how happy it makes me when I let it. I, like all of us, need to keep pushing and knowing that it’s about doing what I can. Not about what I cannot or do not complete. Life is sweet to me, and however bitter some things may feel for a moment I have an experienced and expanding cast of characters that make it even sweeter.

Taking it one day at a time,

Katie

A Year is Pretty Short

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Oh hi AUGUST. I thought we had some sort of arrangement where you would take your time in showing up but I guess we can't all be trusted. The end of this month marks a full year since I moved to Germany and oh my good sweet lord has it flown by. As they (we'll ignore who "they" are for now) say: "Time flies when you're having fun." Well I have been having loads of fun because holy crap one year?!

The past few months of chaos, happiness, anxiety, trepidation, visits from friends, hours upon hours of hard work, slothing, playing, beer drinking, picnicking, swimming, sweating (humidity is no joke), hunting for a new job, applying to job after job, worrying, filling streets and biergartens and riverbanks and bike trails with laughter, waiting and waiting and.... yep still waiting to hear back about a job, they have all made my life fuller and lovelier and much, much more jovial. This year has challenged me in ways I didn't think it could.

I have had moments of overwhelming intolerance for the way I've been treated by some, and felt my heart swell with new love for a man, and by little children who this time last year had not a single idea who I was. I discovered that the limits to my patience are much higher than I ever thought imaginable - and that the ways of life, love, child rearing, eating, staying fit, relaxing and so much more vary wildly from culture to culture and that within each culture everyone has their own way of doing it anyways.

I've seen first hand that there is not a single, correct way of living. The sure and safe day job that gives us insurance financially and mentally and literally in the form of healthcare, may not be the job for me. Or at least not right now. As my Au Pair year ends, I will spend most of August working (as the au pair before me did as well). August is a blitz of birthday parties, kindergarten closures, trips to other parts of the country by train and car with grandparents, and training our new au pair. All while getting closer to these little ones day by day even when I didn't think it was possible to care for them more than I already do.

Then when this flash of lightning called August ends, it will all be done so quickly. That's what I can not yet fathom. I have been explaining myself as currently being in the eye of the tornado. It's been so stressful trying to find a new job that will sponsor my little American self with a visa, and I've been working a lot in addition. Searching for a job is its own full-time job, most people who have done it know so. But as I sit here typing, I am not stressed. I am no longer anxious or worried, but during this blog's silence in the past months - I was paralyzed by a fear of the unknown. A fear of the oh crap what will happen if..... 

I have been eagerly (okay sometimes desperately) longing for my time as an Au Pair to end, because it truly is demanding and exhausting. That said, now that I can see that end on the horizon I am greatly appreciative of what this experience has given to me. These kids have taught me a lot more about myself, I mean a lot. First and foremost that I do not want to have children for a long while. They're loving and curious and sometimes downright buttheads but hey, we all are. These little creatures are going to be sorely missed by me. I hope for their sakes that they love the new au pair fast and well, and don't miss me. I hope to have made an impact on their young little souls without dependency. I have no idea if that has happened and only time will tell.

As for now, I am preparing to ride out the other side of this tornado and (fingers crossed) have a full time job on the other side. I've got three or four options on the table now - it's currently a matter of interviews and offers and making sure all of the timing works out with my visa application. I won't overshare for fear of jinxing it. So when I have the job in a few weeks a new post will emerge.

Thanks to everyone on both of my continents who has pushed me, loved me, helped me and encouraged me these past few months. You know who you are and I love you all sincerely for it.

xo

Ha-lee Ha-lo!

Life. Oh life. Things are still rolling right along here in Munich and with each day of the week (it's already Thursday?!) there is something even more exciting to look forward to. It feels as though I just got back from Prague for Ben's birthday trip - that post is coming soon, it was the most relaxing and luxurious trip thus far - yet that was last Monday. 

This week has been a productive one for trip planning, although not for job searching. I'm finally getting the ball rolling with looking into other jobs for post-au pair life come September. It seems so far away, though, making it difficult to get my mind into actually taking action. Which is why I booked a trip to Berlin and England instead. :)

I'll be sneaking up to Berlin for Easter weekend mid April, and then 3 weeks later I'll be on a flight to England for the first time!!!!!! I. AM. SO. EXCITED. Until those trips though, it's day-to-day au pair nonsense interrupted with gorgeous biergartens or museum visits. Thanks for showing up Spring, I love you. 

Here's a little peak at my last two weeks via iphone. 

 ^^scenes from a Sunday afternoon walk by the Isar^^

 ^^starkbierfest hosted a cast of messy characters. hi spongebob.^^

 ^^trying Bayerishe ways on for style^^

 ^^d'awwww^^

 ^^happy monkey at the park^^

 ^^the kindergarten does facepainting so often - it's rad^^

 ^^had a breakfast date with this one last Thursday, shoko croissants on request^^

 ^^I seriously love this little bike. wish it were actually mine.^^

 ^^lunchtime views on the Isar.^^

 ^the most divine brunch last weekend. I love breakfast food, and guava mimosas.^^

 ^^Prague looking regal.^^

 ^^I love all of the old trams in Prague.^^

 ^^See I told you, Spring!!!^^

 ^^The monument to all those affected by Communism, Prague.^^

 ^^Getting fancy at the Opera.^^

 ^^We had a private box so obviously this photo, and the subsequent photo shoot, needed to happen.^^

 ^^Where we sat and had massive portions of ribs. Mmmmm ribs.^^

 ^^the state opera, prague.^^

 ^^and so the photo shoot begins.^^

 ^^<3^^

 ^^hey good lookin'^^

 ^^because in Prague, you can buy a dark beer from a street vendor (he's literally just sitting at a table with a keg) for 50 krowns and carry it up to the castle.^^

 ^^however bad the quality, I couldn't resist sharing our amazing boat deck location for Ben's birthday dinner. If you go to Prague, try Grossetto's! It was phenomenal and the location unbeatable.^^

^^I had my first Aperol spritz and... I think I'm in love? It's my kind of drink.^^

Oh Hey There

Life is presently, and increasingly so with the older I grow, moving at an alarming rate. I swear it was just January. It's almost April?! Thank god for that because it means that summer will be here even sooner and I can. not. wait. to have warm evenings that are lighter later, and barbecues, and lunchtime swims in the river, and shorts or sundresses as optional clothing items (without adding tights, scarves and sweaters).

This past month in particular has been one of unpredictable highs and lows. I have had challenges thrown at me with my host family as I could not really have imagined. Guys, being an Au Pair is hard. People tell you, "Oh well that's a tough job, working with kids all day and cleaning up after them blah blah blah." They're right, it is no picnic having your entire work center around children (although wondrous and inspiring and cheerful because of their budding perspective on life). Kindergarten teachers, doctors, nannies and babysitters can probably all agree on the ups and downs of working primarily with children. But as I have said before and stand by, living in the environment is a different game.

I was speaking with another Au Pair friend recently, and we discussed over cheesecake and coffee (our weakness) that what advice-givers neglect to advise about the Au Pair experience is this: however difficult or strenuous the tasks my be with the children, the tangible challenge is not the children, it is the parents. I constantly find myself working to balance my own physical/emotional needs and personal boundaries with the demands of my host mother and the time pressures she puts on virtually every single thing in my day. Even when I'm not with my host family, I'm still considering their needs and tasks in my own personal tasks, because I need to make sure to have time for them - or prepare to have time for them as I'm often asked to pick something up, run a quick errand or my personal favorite, "will you do me one favor?" with last minute urgency. That last question is the worst because it's not actually a question, there is no room for the answer of "well, actually no - I can't." I will, I have to... it's my job.

Now, this fact is not actually the worst thing in the world, however obnoxious. It just requires a conscious mind that watches out for its own well being. Sure, I wish I had known this was such a large requirement of Au Pair life before traveling thousands of miles and changing my whole life. But if I had known this was my actual job: part-time single mom and full-time personal assistant to my host mom, would I have changed my mind? Stayed in California? Gotten a job in San Francisco and stayed in my same apartment and took my dog for walks in the morning in Golden Gate Park? No. No I would not. I would have been determined to make the best, which is what I'm doing here anyways.

So however frustrating and eye-roll inducing many mornings and afternoons may be as an Au Pair, I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. And that these kids are teaching me a lot about life and making me so gloriously happy. Listening to their little German voices parrot every English word I say is a highlight of my day. "Ah-gain. Now-ah. No-ah. Yay-as." I used to dread picking them up in the afternoon, now I am so excited to see them, as they are with me. A little bit of positivity goes a long, long way. I just have to keep remembering that. The next few months are extremely exciting as I have lots of visits by friends and sisters planned, trips to Berlin, England, Brussels, Paris, birthdays, summer.... all of it! I'm so excited about it all!

Happy Wednesday!

xo

Happy Hump Day!

Congratulations everyone, you've made it to the halfway point of the week. Post-work drinks are now acceptable as are day dreams of weekend plans.

I've been quite busy of late with some good, and some not so positive things. But today is a day I've chosen to remember and focus personally on all of the wondrous things I have going for myself. It's easy to bring the harder parts of life to the forefront of my mind, but I always feel happier when I'm able to recognize them, but focus on the better moments and people.

There's lots to come this way in updates, expect one in the next few days. And here's to coming a day closer to the weekend!

xo

Amsterdam, My Future Home

Just after the New Year, I followed up my week long trip to Prague with a weekend trip to Amsterdam. It took all of 5 minutes walking away from the central train station for me to fall completely in love with the city. Abundant canals and what felt like millions of bicycles were two endearing qualities, but were also the only two strong factors that separated the city's atmosphere from San Francisco. In the sense that the Dam is liberal and has looming shotgun style houses, it felt like a flatter SF. 

Everything about the city made me want to move there immediately (or at least within the next year). Any city on water easily captures my heart, but this one also has scrumptious beer. All of the restaurants we tried were small, intimate places with delicious food. It often felt like we were in someone's full living room. But it never felt intrusive, the Dutch are so sweet! They were the nicest people, honestly. The day I came in, B took the same tram 3 times in a row back and forth between the train station and our airbnb apartment. He had the same tram conductor each time and the man struck up a conversation with him, made jokes, very well may have remembered his name. Almost everyone speaks English as well, and all of the signs are in English. Very convenient my friends. 

Aside from the food and beer, which are often the most discussed points about my travels (let's be honest, that's one of the best parts), the architecture in Amsterdam was just plain fun. You can feel the age in the homes' shapes and bricks. Different from the feel of Prague, with it's charred medieval gray stone walls; Amsterdam has the air of a clean, successful, well-preserved port city. 

I loved Amsterdam, I have nothing but nice things to say about the place and its inhabitants. I could care less about the Red Light District and the tourists even though I was a massive tourist. My only regret was wishing it had been Spring or Summer as I would have cried with happiness to spend time sitting along the canals or see the windows and gardens overflowing with flowers in bloom. It just means I will definitely be returning! 

Have you been to Amsterdam? What was your favorite part of the city? xo